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Dads should engage in imaginative play with their children
03 January 2010
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As fathers, we have certainly come a long way in regard to childcare. There are more stay-at-home dads now than there ever were; more and more fathers are taking an active role in their children's lives, playing games, playing sports, and even engaging in imaginative play. However, there are still fathers out there, some of them I know, who do not see the value in imaginative play.
One friend of mine told me that he does not want to play on the floor with his 5-year-old daughter because she plays with dolls and "guys don't do that." He does not want his daughter to see a man playing with dolls because "that's not how society works." I asked him if there is any play he does engage in with his daughter, and he told me that "we go sledding a lot in the winter, but she usually only likes to play with her dolls."
Of course, my friend's daughter gets upset when Dad won't play dolls with her, and each time she asks him, he has a harder and harder time telling her no. When he came to me for advice, I did not see the point in telling him to just sit down and play with the dolls; I knew he would not go for that. So, I asked him if he thought his daughter had any other interests. "She likes watching baseball," he said. "Every time I have the game on, she sits on the floor in the middle of the room with her dolls and watches from start to finish."
I told him that maybe his daughter would enjoy learning baseball, how to throw and catch. My friend looked at me astonished that he had not thought of that himself. Even though he believes that guys should not play with dolls, he took right to the idea that his daughter could play baseball, a sport associated with men. He got so excited about it that I had to remind him that she is only five and that she's never even thrown a baseball—he already had her in the minors. He went to the store that day and bought a child's set, which included a baseball, a glove, and a small bat.
Some fathers are too worried about upholding the belief that there are activities that should be reserved for mothers and their children, and one of these is imaginative play.
This attitude, deeply rooted, is difficult to overcome but should be overcome, because not all children will like sports, like my friend's daughter. So, fathers will need to use their own imaginations to find ways to connect with their children. My friend has found a way to connect with his daughter through baseball, but it's the connection that counts more than the activity. My friend will surely get to know his daughter better through their newly found commonality and will eventually broaden his way of thinking about playtime, which may lead to a different view of imaginative play. However, he still has one hurdle to jump, which I will highlight in a minute.
Imaginative play is important for a child's growth, psychologically and socially. While my friend's major problem was with the idea of playing with dolls, he also told me that he did not believe his daughter should be "living in a fantasy world," and that "the world is rough, and she needs to understand that things don't happen in life the way they do in fantasy. The way they do with her dolls." (That is the aforementioned hurdle). I told him that I could see his point but to remember that she is only five—I had to keep reminding him of this—and she needs her imagination more than ever right now.
Many preschools stress the importance of imaginative play for children and exhort parents to help their children to engage in more imaginative play and watch less television and play fewer video games. According to Shlomo Ariel, imaginative play encourages more complex styles of thinking and helps children strengthen sensory perception. This of course leads to a greater awareness of the world around them and a stronger sense of empathy toward other children (2002). Imaginative play helps a child's development and understanding of others; it does not hinder that understanding. My friend's concern that his daughter will not understand the harsh realities of life if she continues to engage in imaginative play is not well-founded. In fact, she may be developing skills needed to better deal with those harsh realities later in life.
Children, especially young children, want to play with their parents. There is no written law that says a father can't get down on the floor and play dolls with his daughter, or his son for that matter. Engaging in imaginative play with one's children helps strengthen the bond between father and child, makes the child stronger emotionally and socially, and helps the child develop real-life problem solving skills.
References
Ariel, S. (2002). Children's imaginative play: A visit to wonderland. Wesport, CT: Greenwood Publishing Group, Inc.
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