Please, raise children with proper manners
26 September 2009

Did something happen along the way to make people think it was acceptable to chew with their mouths open, interrupt conversations, shout across a restaurant, etc.? Many of us have had similar experiences of holding a door for someone and either feeling incensed over a lack of acknowledgment, or the amazement over a surprised, over appreciative reaction, as though such a courtesy had never before been extended. There is also the dazed, bewildered look on some faces as true gentlemen stand when a lady enters a room, or when she must excuse herself from the table. In today’s society that seems to be merely charming, yet, not enough people consider it at all, or if they do, they consider the behavior odd or eccentric.

There are etiquette classes available that had become quite common in the office place over ten years ago. The fact that such classes are available is wonderful, but what ever happened to learning the simple acts of civility as being part of every day life? Sometime during the 1970’s it seems that all of that seemed too formal for anyone anymore, and the whole concept started to fade, somehow considered part of an antiquated, overly formal way of life. Didn’t they take into account the fact that these little things add up, making daily life more pleasant? Also, being ‘trained’ at home in the simple ways of manners and common courtesy alleviates, or even obviates the awkwardness or discomfort that is often associated with some social situations children encounter as they grow older.

We hear so often that children earn better grades, are less likely to fall victim to peer pressure, and develop into more responsible people when they are raised having family dinners regularly. Without that simple activity, children may be raised not knowing how to carry civil conversations at the table, how to say, “Please pass the rolls,” instead of reaching across the table for them, or that a napkin should be placed in one’s lap, not kept on the table as part of the decoration. They may still be raised not knowing which fork to use and when, unless graced with a proper matronly figure, but that’s all right. Establishing a foundation early on for children makes it easier for them to absorb other nuances associated with the conventions of acceptable social interactions. As long as they are comfortable and are raised with the security of something like the forum of family meals shared around the dinner table, how to behave later in life in otherwise intimidating surroundings may not even be a consideration.

Not everyone grows up with the privilege of real silver and linen or damask napkins being used in the dining room, but that shouldn’t have any bearing over exhibiting common courtesies in any environment. Telling our children the basics of not chewing with their mouths open, not talking with their mouths full, not interrupting when someone is speaking, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ - all of these courtesies help evolve children into poised and respectable adults.